


Defeat at the end of desire

by Felidae5



Category: Lupin III
Genre: Angst, First Person, M/M, Sad, Secret Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-17 13:27:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29100993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Felidae5/pseuds/Felidae5
Summary: Just another one of those one-hour-from-start-to-proofread ficlets. Don't come looking for happy endings.Lupin is arrested and things keep getting worse.
Relationships: Arsène Lupin III/Zenigata Kouichi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	Defeat at the end of desire

_Defeat at the end of desire_

They caught me good this time.  
I had counted on them being there, of course, but not on them being this sneaky about it.  
Tot-san is getting better at this.  
Then again, he should, this was only the eight-tenth -I count in my head- fifteenth time he actually managed to hold me long enough for interrogation.  
Huh.  
Fifteen times, ne?  
I must be slacking.  
My hands are shackled, not cuffed, heavy, sturdy things tight enough to bite into my wrists. Instead of the usual nondescript overall in whatever gharish colour the local authorities deem worthy of stripping prisoners of all dignity and fashion sense, I have been given a jumpsuit. Something black and blue with green and yellow stripes-eugh.  
I tried to rub at the dull pain in my right shoulder, where the needle stung me. They've injected me with a truth serum. Looks like they mean business. If they think they can lure me into revealing any of my hideouts or my friends' current location or whatever, they're sadly mistaken. I can go on and on for hours about my gramps and father and how I grew up and the lessons they...  
We come to a stop and I look at the small steel door standing at knee-height. One of the guards lifts the handle and I see a steel-coated ramp leading downwards.  
A chute. Cute.  
Best to raise the adrenaline and get your heart beating faster, spreading the serum more efficiently. Classic.  
I smirk and am about to comment on it, when my eye catches the monitor left to the opening and my blood freezes.  
Zenigata.  
My guards must have noticed my expression, cause one of them chuckles,  
"Yup, the one and only Zenigata is going to be your confessor, so you better start singing."  
I scream, I try to run, but my feet are knocked out from under me. I fight, I scream as I'm being pushed inside the slippery tunnel, my shoes lost in the commotion,  
"No, no, anyone, _anything_ but him please! No! Let me-"  
Go.  
They let me go.  
I try to scramble, but there is no hold, I try to push my feet against it, but the socks are sewn to my suit and I don't have enough space to maneouver to rip them off and I tumble-slide downwards as the tobogan from hell grows steeper and I'm still screaming when the end comes rushing towards me-  
and I plop face-first on a thick landing matress.  
I take a moment to catch my breath, then gingerly move my head to look around.  
Tot-san is standing over me, gazing down with worry in his big, dark eyes.  
I can't even remember getting off the matress, but my back is against the wall, I try to scale it, climb it, but can't find any leverage.  
Tot-san looks at me, clearly worried, one hand outstretched and I shimmy away, to the side, when I feel smooth, cold steel against my fingers.  
My fists are banging against the door, I'm screaming, shrieking, I don't care how I sound.  
"Let me out! Not him, anyone but him. Please, let me out! Don't let it be him! For the love of God, not him!"  
My fingers are bloody, when did I begin scratching the door? My nails are gone, and I'm still clawing, when I feel strong, warm arms encircle, entrap me, hold me against a broad, strong chest, a deep gruff voice mumbling gentle reassurances, and I can't stop screaming and fighting and kicking and then-  
I break.  
Tears stream down my face, I don't cry, I never cry, but now, with my heart thudding away in a slow, stoney motion, I have no strength to keep up the façade.  
He carries me over to the matress and lays me down gently, ever so gently.  
He always is, that's why I've fallen for him.  
I, Arsène Lupin the Third, have fallen deeply, irrevocably, hopelessly in love with Inspector Zenigata Koichi of Interpol.  
It would be laughable, if it weren't so tragic.  
A modern-day Romeo and Juliet, but with far more angles and complications than those two lucky kids ever faced.  
Rivaling familes? Feud to the death?  
Try being on opposite sides of the law, same gender, and well, there's that age gap, but that's really more of an inconvinience at most, then get back to me.  
I look up at him, as he uses his own kerchief to wipe away my tears that just can't seem to stop flowing. A fold apears between his eyebrows, not one of anger or annoyance, I know that one, but one of worry and concern.  
I know that one, too.  
I know why his cute little nose has that almost invisible bump on the left side. I know why his right ear at times twitches, when it's too loud. I know how his mouth curls up at the sides, when he smiles. I know what his tears taste like, because he cried over me, when he thought I was dead.  
I know him as well as he knows me, save for one thing: I hardly ever wear my emotions on my sleeve.  
My desires, my wishes, my needs, yes, but not my emotions.  
But now, here I am, pumped to the nines full of some stupid serum that will make me spill the beans and pour my heart out at his feet and...  
I turn away, it's too painful to look at him.  
His hand settles on my shoulder, ever so carefully, and asks,  
"What just happened there, Lupin? I've never known you to be claustrophic. Is it the serum? We've had the occasional crazy reaction to it. If you really feel that bad, I can call the shrink-"  
"No, not the shrink. Just-no." I hear him sigh, and it hurts. I know he cares. I hear him step away, mumble something, and then something inside the chute rattles and a first aid kid lands next to me.  
Before I have time to wonder, it's being lifted from my sight and tot-san grumbles,  
"Show me your hands. I wanna patch you up, before we take you to the sick bay."  
I hold out my hands, and he hisses in sympathy. Again my head is turned away, as he goes about cleaning my hands.  
He avoids touching my torn, broken nails, but the desinfectant still hurts like hell. One by one the fingers are wrapped in tiny strips of soft gauze, then both palms.  
I'm tired from crying, tired from fighting, and I keep my eyes downcast, focused on my demolished, bandaged hands.  
"What happened, Lupin? Why did you freak out? Are you afraid I'm gonna hurt you?" His gruff voice drives daggers through my already hurting heart, but I keep my teeth clenched and shake my head.  
I can hear the frown in his voice.  
"Then why? Why are you so afraid of me?"  
By know, my jaw hurts, my eyes screwed shut tight enough to make me see flecks of light inside my eyelids.  
I'm not afraid of him, not in the way he suggests.  
I'm afraid, because if I confess, if I tell him my feelings, it will forever alter the nature of our relationship and ruin what we have.  
I'd rather take my secet to my grave than hurt him with the truth, the agony that has driven me to this point.  
I can feel blood seeping down my chin; I must have bitten my own tongue.  
"Ok, I'm calling the doctor", he states, and panic flares up throughout my body.  
"No, please, don't", I plead and this time my eyes search and hold his.  
And he knows.  
By God, he knows.  
Because for a moment, he's puzzled, then his eyes, his big, round beautiful eyes grow sad and his voice catches in his throat, when he mumbles,  
"I see."  
And for a moment, his eyes glisten, tears line up, but never make it out, as he turns around and declares,  
"I'm calling in the doctor."  
And all that remains is pain and longing and suffering and a soul-shattering desire for something that never will be.

_owari_


End file.
